My Final Post


I wish to think you all for reading over the past few months. I regret to announce that this will be my final post. Independent Kansan is shutting down and preparing for the end of the world. The leader of the Family Radio Christian Network, Harold Camping, has predicted that tomorrow the Rapture will occur. I do not believe I’m likely to be one of the Chosen swept off to Heaven, so it is possible that another post could occur. However, the post-Rapture period is supposed to be quite turbulent and it is not likely I will have the opportunity.

So what should a final post say? I guess I should make a confession. To Stacy Smith, I was in love with you in the 5th grade. It seems like there should be more than that, but frankly I can’t think of anything. I guess I’ve been holding onto that little love affair for far too long.

Well, to all of the 200 million Christians who are to be taken to Heaven, enjoy yourselves. To the rest of the Christians who apparently, chose the wrong faction, sorry. To all those non-Christians who are doomed, take the South Park view. In South Park, Satan is gay, and Hell seems like a pretty rocking place.

One last thing, “Macho Man” Randy Savage has recently died. I remember Macho Man from the heyday of the WWF. Days when Hulk Hogan didn’t have a reality TV show, and Andre the Giant towered over men. I even had my own wrestling name bestowed upon. Godspeed, Macho Man, you left us just a day too soon. I guess you didn’t want Jesus upstaging him. Well, I must sign off now. Thanks for reading.

Your Humble Blogger,
Matt “The Rat” Tagliani
(In case you’re wondering. My signature move would have been called, “The Bubonic Plague.”)

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5 responses to “My Final Post

  1. Love it! Now, in relation to the Macho Man, I cannot help but find his death suspicious. Perhaps he did not pass but was rather raptured early . . . I wouldn’t be surprised to see him leading God’s army . . .

  2. Sorry to see this is the last post. Nothing lasts forever though. These end times are an interesting phenomenon. They are closely associated with John Calvin (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Calvinism#Five_points_of_Calvinism). God has always known who would be saved but he kept their identities secret so as not to discourage others from fighting their Total Depravity and other elements of the TULIP definition of man.
    This will certainly be a surprise for some Muslims whose ancestors were chosen for the Rapture before Abraham was born. Likewise the Hassidim of Israel. For most of us it will be business as usual rescuing those who were left behind to be buried in rubble. Similar to the 100 year earthquake this will be a once in an eternity disaster.
    Yet I will pause and wonder as I see the soles of my ascended brother’s and sister’s feet disappearing heavenward, what the will do among all of the presumed equality and unity of will and purpose, to entertain themselves. Rumor has (sister Alice John) that sex isn’t happening there because heaven is pure and reproduction is unnecessary and besides God has wrapped us in the envelope of his love (which I think sounds like a combination of LSD and cocaine).
    So I wave good bye and shout to send a sign or postcard when they get there. All this is pretty confusing but omniscience is above my pay grade and hopefully the weather will be better in 2012 when I’m down in Palenque, Mexico for the end of time according to their time calculations. That lacking there’s a huge Rock’n’Roll concert in Rio de Janeiro and tickets should be cheaper with fewer people.

  3. Haha I love it. And God rest Macho Man’s soul. I have him somewhere in my attic as an action figure with a huge, flashy white and purple shirt on. He was one of my favorites… but not quite up to par with the Ultimate Warrior… you dig it?

  4. Machimon has less to do with macho man than Maximón the Mayan “Joker Saint” who drinks, smokes, and will find infinite ways to b mischievous http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maxim%C3%B3n
    Happy Endtimes

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